My favorite twitterer, Kelly Oxford is finally getting recognized.
Here are a few of my favorite Oxford tweets:
1. Whenever I see a dog's balls I think, "What an asshole" Some dogs need underpants.
2. When women lie about their age, they should go up 10 years instead of down. Then when people say "You look so young", they'll mean it.
3. The best thing to come out of a 2 hr wait in a Dr's office with your crying baby, is a 6 month renewal of birth control pills.
4. Yelling "WE CAN ALL SEE YOU ASSHOLE!" to someone wearing camouflage winter clothing in the snow is extremely satisfying.
5. Say what you will, but turtlenecks make great vaginas when you re-enact a birth.
6. Harry Potter theme park commercial that airs during the Superbowl will feature a bunch of nerds lining up to ride Hermione.
7. I think my daughter just insulted her girlfriend. "Your bracelet looks like it cost two arcade tickets"
8. I liked the part where Steve Jobs came out without a belt and tried to sell us a giant iphone that doesn't make calls.
9.'I forgive but I never forget' sounds a lot like never forgiving.
10. Just sat the baby down in the gin aisle and taught the older two kids about cause and effect.